I just saw a snippet of a book that bashes society as a whole for focusing on sexuality of women. Specifically in focusing on their levels of purity, as if their virginity makes them worthwhile or lack thereof makes them worthless. The sentiment...up to a point, I can agree with. But discouraging young women to not hold onto their virginity as something for marriage is a mistake. One that I myself made, & I hope that my own daughter never makes. Would I ever condemn her or criticize her for that? NO!! And I hope my own two BFF's slap me if I ever make her feel like less of a person for any mistake or failure she may make or go through!
But that's the personal side of it. The hardest part for me is to combat society's idea that sexy means beautiful & not sexy means unattractive. I tell my daughter every day she's pretty... because she is sweet & kind. THAT is what makes her pretty. When she's being a little stink & whining & bossing...I tell her she's not being pretty. Because that's what it is. Pretty is a verb. At least in my own house.
As for virginity. It IS special. It's something that's precious & one time. Once it's gone, it is GONE! Can you have a successful marriage without it? Yes. So far I've managed 12 years of being pretty darn happy! But I feel a level of intimacy I could have had with my husband isn't there. And it never will be. I can't bring it back & I can't recreate what could have been. Does he love me? Very much so! I have not a doubt in my mind. We can talk about anything & we rarely argue (disagree, yes, argue, no....there's a difference).
But that "thing" isn't there. And I wouldn't have it with anyone else either. Because of what it is essentially formed from. That knowledge & learning of each other that you've never had to share with anyone else. Even if you don't resent others having been there first, you still, in the back of your mind, know you weren't first. You (as a human looking for reassurance & love) will doubt & wonder "who was better?" Even if it's something you never voice or actively consider. And I PRAY that my daughter never goes through that.
So yes, I will encourage her to "hold out" for her future husband. And I will pray that, whomever he might be, that he has parents who will encourage him to do the same for her sake. And that they'll know it's something special to be treasured. A gift if you will. Not their total value, or their worth, but something special that can't be given in any other way.