I know that in trials, I'm supposed to praise God. And a part of me is. I'm ecstatic that my family is healthy, happy, & has a wonderful home & church family. I know I'm blessed that Doug & I are healthy, both have good jobs. And that we're able to teach our children to love God.
But it's HARD to keep up that praise sometimes. In fact, right now, I just want to sit & cry & beg Him to please just make it all go away. (OK, so I AM doing that).
I know I've not been the best steward of what He gives me. I'm trying to improve on that. VERY hard! Meal planning & budgeting & coupons & taking lunches. I've worked SO hard to get caught up from previous hardships & being behind.
But it seems like just one thing after another, after another. And they're ALL things that need money to fix! Or wouldn't have happened if I'd HAD money! I HATE MONEY!!!! I hate that I need it & don't have enough of it, even as we continuously go without things & depend on the blessings of others to get by.
I know God is in control, but can I change rides? The one He's running somewhere else sounds much nicer right about now.
And even as I type this & get it out of my system. I feel a peace that wasn't there before. I know He's listening & I know He'll somehow work it out for good. I can't see the light right now, but it's there. I can feel the warmth. Thank you God, for at least that right now.